Its world mental health day – you’ll know that of course if you’re at all affected or know someone who is. The chances are you will know someone who is affected and suffering as apparently 1 in 4 of us will suffer at sometime in our lives. That’s a lot of people.
I thought about myself today and how I’m feeling on a scale of 1 – 10 with 1 being as low as you can be, 10 being in tip-top mental form. I classify myself today as a 5. I’m middle of the road, muddling along, neither being too down or really being on top of things.
But I’m happy with being a 5 to be honest, a 5 is manageable for me and I’m working on not creeping backwards but creeping upwards with a 6 in mind as my goal for the remainder of the year.
After a 2 week break from seeing my counsellor Laura we had a session last Thursday which was a nice, gentle catch up session. In fact Laura said she didn’t want to get too heavy as we will be having another break this week as she is away on a course – she asked me if I was OK with that and said she would change the course date if necessary (which was lovely of her to ask but I’m happy she is on a course bettering herself). She also told me that I am currently at week 8 in a 12 week program but because of the complexities of my case she has already secured an additional 12 weeks for me which was so lovely to hear.
We chatted some more about the whole police investigation with regards myself, the court process I found myself in, the lack of recognition in the “system” of a dissociative disorder and the inability of anyone in the system to think anything other than “his stories don’t quite add up so therefore he must be lying and clearly guilty”.
For the first time Laura admitted to me she had been extremely frustrated for me during my investigation and had found some of the treatment and comments by the police, social services and courts to be borderline abusive themselves. As one example, the police knowing that I had been raped as a child multiple times have never offered any support, they have never asked me if I want to make any kind of complaint, they have never asked me if I want them to investigate further or doing anything for me.
Laura and I both find that very odd. If a child walked into a police station today and explained he/she thought they had been raped multiple times you can’t tell me the police would do nothing at all or offer no support?
That probably sounds likes sour grapes of course with me having been investigated by the police. But having that deeply personal knowledge about someone and doing nothing at all with it as a public protector – that doesn’t seem right to me.
Why am I mentioning this again? Well in my gentle session last Thursday we kind of came full circle again to one of my original questions to Laura about being abused and not speaking out about it sooner – What if no-one believes me? What if having told people, no-one does or can do anything? I have always felt petrified of the reaction I would get and at the moment I still feel very justified in feeling that way having disclosed a lot now and receiving very little help and support.
Please look after yourselves, everyday of course it goes without saying, but hopefully more people in the world today will just be that little bit more aware of the daily, weekly and yearly battles we face up to and try our best to conquer and overcome.