A very hard week this week mental wise.

Why I ask, do people tell me things have to get worse before they can get better? My little brain struggles with conundrums like this! Why can’t I just skip the worse part and jump straight to the better 🙂 Simple!

I learnt this week about the untimely death of my wedding photographer friend Neil who was killed in a road traffic accident. The news hit both my wife and I really hard despite only meeting the guy a few times in person. Neil was a kind man with a young family and first and foremost all our thoughts go out to his family. He photographed my wedding in 2014 and will forever remain part of that day in history.  Rest well Neil.


Awoke this morning around 4 AM. I don’t know if I was dreaming or having a flashback but it wasn’t pleasant and I awoke very disoriented and scared. Really wanted someone to hold my hand and tell me everything was OK but there’s no-one with me at the moment so it’s just not an option – being alone is all my fault though so I can’t complain.

I lay here and hope someone will text or call at some point and ask if I’m alright, but apart from my wife and my mum, no-one ever does. But I appreciate that the world and life just keeps spinning on regardless.  

Woah Mr negative is back out today in force!!!!!


I really feel like I’m losing the battle this week for sure and all I want to keep doing is sleep as I’m so stupidly tired despite the fact I’m hardly physically active at all. My arms and hands have gone numb typing this as if they aren’t mine anymore – what the fuck’s that about?!

I’m being told not to “do anything silly and hand all of that power back to your abuser”. I understand that but………………

Anyone else just had “one of those weeks??” (Rhetorical question really!)