A hard session this week in counselling, more dissociation, more scared parts and for me, more confusion. But for the first time I felt a bit of progress. I don’t know why I felt like that and I know that progress is a difficult thing to measure as everyone is different, but I felt a small piece of strength within.
The darkest of thoughts still exist but they are thoughts and thoughts only, I gave my word to Laura that I feel too strong at the moment for them to turn into actions and I know she trusts my word with that.
But these thoughts certainly eat away at you though with their constant “you are not good enough, you don’t deserve life, you’re useless, you’re worthless” etc. That’s very hard when you know that it’s yourself telling yourself that. Stupid bloody self!!
I wish I could contribute better through these forums and help and inspire people as others so brilliantly do but my writing is not strong enough to do so. With that I wanted to say a thank you out to those who I read who are able to write very bravely, frankly and selflessly.
If I take a look around, a really good look around I am and always will be very fortunate and grateful for that which I have. For that which I’ve lost and of which causes massive pain I know I have to work on you and I know you’ll try your hardest to break me apart, but you haven’t managed to just yet.